Round 19

Its Monday evening and egg collection was scheduled for this Wednesday morning. That was what I was told at my scan this morning, however at 4pm today I got a call from the UK clinic to tell me to take the trigger shot immediately as they just got my blood tests back and I am already starting to ovulate.

The scan this morning showed three good sized follicles on the left 21mm and 15mm and on the right 18mm.  After my scan on Friday I raised my concern with my doctor in the UK that I needed to have a scan on Sunday and have a blood test then also as I thought that waiting until Monday to trigger would be too late.  I was told on Friday that absolutely not and that I should come back Monday.  I reiterated my concern of leaving it until Monday.  The only constant in this whole process has been me and I know my body better than anyone else and I knew waiting to trigger Monday evening was going to be too late.  The Doctor said the best he could do was do a scan on Saturday as he was already working that day so I could come in for a scan then.

I did go for a scan Saturday and the follicles were 17mm, 11mm and 15mm.  I again asked the doctor, shouldn’t I be triggered tonight or latest Sunday night and not wait until Monday.  I was told with absolute certainty that it would be fine to wait until Monday….. and here we are Monday evening and I get the call telling me to come in tomorrow (Tuesday morning) for collection which even if I haven’t already ovulated is going to be unlikely there will be good eggs because the trigger shot needs 36 hours to work and i have only been able to give it about 18!

Obviously I am trying to stay calm and hopeful but inside I am livid.  Livid because I knew this was going to happen, I told the doctor who was yet again a new doctor that this was going to happen and no one listened to me despite me telling him over and over again that i had done this almost 20 times and knew that Monday was going to be too late.  No words can describe how I feel right now as I put my nieces and nephews to bed trying to keep myself busy, trying not to think about just how devastated I am likely to be tomorrow morning.

I have told them to scan me prior to putting me under because I do not want to be put under if I have already ovulated.  I am dreading that appointment but in my heart I already know it is too late and I don’t think I can take any more.  I don’t think my body or my emotional well being can do this any more.  It is too soul destroying and I think I need to just accept that having a child may well just not be in my cards.  It really shouldn’t be quite this hard and I really shouldn’t be telling the doctors how to do their job when I am paying them such an astronomical amount of money.

And so tonight I go to bed dreading what tomorrow will bring. I so wanted this chapter of egg freezing to be over.