Following on from the post titled ‘Moving my most prized possessions‘ I thought I’d give a bit of an update because the transportation from A to B was not easy even after discovering about the wrongly charged HEFA fees from my initial clinic!

The transportation company I choose were familiar with my old clinic and had warned me that they likely wouldn’t want to use a third party transport company as they had theirs own one and had been known to charge higher fees as the embryologist at “old clinic” was taking back handers /a kick back. I told the transport company to leave this with me and I would sort it.

Eventually all parties agreed to work together and after much backwards and forwards to sign certain third party agreements and a date that worked for all three, my eggs were to be moved on 1 March.

The afternoon of 1 March I received an email from “old clinic” stating that they would not release my eggs to the transportation company as he was rude and his machinery didn’t meet many of the required safetly standards required to transport frozen material!  They said they had cancelled the third party agreement and would not work with this company!

I emailed the transportation company to ask what happened and to tell them they either a) needed to work out their differences and transport my eggs in the next seven days or b) provide me with a refund.

I received a reply from the transportation company stating that “old clinic” were making a fool of themselves and that nothing was wrong!  I asked again for them to urgently work out their differences or to refund my money…… no response despite several follow up emails!

”old clinic” said they were happy to work with any other transport company but not this one! “New clinic” said that all parties were making a fool of themselves and being very unprofessional! However this left me in a predicament of having to figure out what to do!

My priority was the safe transportation of my eggs from A to B and so with that in mind I asked “old clinic” to transport my eggs ASAP if they could price match what I’d paid the previous transportation company, and that I would then work to try and get a refund from the old transportation company!

After again much backwards and forwards between old and new clinics almost not agreeing to work together I had to step in and ask them to please make this possible without causing me any further stress.

I think finally things have been agreed and my 15 frozen eggs are due to be transported from “old clinic” to “new clinic” in the next few day.

What a drama, you honestly couldn’t make some of this stuff up. This is clearly a business to all parties involved and there seems to be a serious lack of care or consideration for a paying client who has already had her fill of drama on this journey. It’s pretty much all that I have in me to stay composed and polite throughout this whole process!

I hope by early next week my 19 eggs will all be together in their new home at “new clinic” and I will have started the process to get my money refunded from the old transportation company. It’s only £150 that they now need to refund me, but it’s not the money, it’s the principle of the matter that is fueling me to make sure I get my refund, so I have written a stern letter which I shall send tomorrow to the old transportation company giving them 7 days to refund my money or I will seek legal action!  Let’s see what happens…. this journey really has taught me to expect the unexpected, for the unexpected has become the expected!

Round 23

Round 23 has been an interesting and yet again an unpredictable experience. I mean you can’t make this shit up!!!….. I think all the unknowns have been sent to test me because when you think there couldn’t possible be another curve ball or decision to be made, there is! Its like the never ending journey!

To set the scene…. I have 19 frozen eggs, my number is 20 (don’t ask me why, was just a round number that I though gave me a good solid chance of a pregnancy in the future) and I have one more prepaid round in my package of three rounds with my “new” UK clinic. I am also traveling a lot over the next couple of months and am planning to leave the UAE in May so I really do want this round to be my last round, to get that 20th egg and put this chapter of my egg freezing journey behind me.

Stimulation Starts

Day 3 of my period was Monday 5 February and I went to see my UAE doctor for a scan.  There was one small follicle on the right and one larger one (10mm already) on the left. The doctor put me on 150 IU of Menopur to start stimulation. He asked me to come back on Thursday.

On Thursday the 10mm follicle was at 13mm and not much else was going on. It was…..go away and keep taking the same medication (with the addition of cetrotide on Saturday morning – to stop me ovulating) and come back on Sunday.

On Sunday the follicle was 16mm and so the doctor told me to come back on Monday and then he would make a decision as to which day collection would be.

All this time I had been informing my UK clinic of the progress  I let them know collection would be Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.  At no point did they tell me that any of these days would not be possible.

My blood tests were all indicating that there was an egg in the follicle but as I have learnt only too well there are never any guarantees in tha process.  The dilema I had was, do I continue with this round and try and get one egg and be done with this process, knowing that there would only be one at best, OR do I cancel it and try again next month? Of course part of me knew it was a “no brainer” of course I had to give it a go, but another part of me was seeing all the signs that weren’t good  the follicle was large right from the start, it hadn’t grown that much during stimulation (usually 2mm a day), no other follicles were growing and there was only one follicle and thus only one possible egg.  It was risky.

After a discussion with my UAE doctor I decided to move forward and try and get this one  I didn’t want to look back and regret not trying but I also wanted to be making this decision rationally and I knew right now with all the hormones in my body that it was likely i was going to be making an emotional decision not a rational one.

After my Monday scan the doctor informed me that collection should be Thursday as the follicle was 17mm on Monday.  I quickly emailed my UK clinic to confirm they agreed and went about starting to make plans for travel, time out of work etc.  I was going to travel Wednesday morning to limit my time out of the office but I held off booking my flight until I had confirmation from my UK clinic which I had asked them for urgently.

No Sense of Urgency

SEVEN hours after my email to my UK clinic I got an email saying they couldn’t do Thursday and did I want Wednesday or Friday! Did I want!?!?!? Like this is a “choice” thing….. for anyone who might think it is a ‘choice’ thing…. its not!…. this is a “my body will ovulate when it wants” thing, so asking me what day I might want the collection for was a crazy thing to ask someone especially someone paying two doctors in two different countries for their expertise.

I called my UK clinic to ask then why they couldn’t do the collection Thursday as advised by my UAE doctor.  They told me they just couldn’t, they were too busy!!! I pay this clinic £3500 a round and I see them once during that round, not like every other patient who has 6-8 visits to the doctor during the round! I actually double pay for this privilege,  so the one and only thing I ask my UK clinic for is to beable to do my collection on the day it is required.  It’s not like it’s Chriatmas Day or a national holiday or anything and they knew it may be Thursday, so to only tell me a few hours before I would have to fly with no sense of urgency, has left me exceptionally unimpressed, to put it mildly.

I couldn’t get hold of my UAE doctor to get his opinion as it was now late evening in the UAE, so I told my UK clinic that they were going to have to advise on this and they had better hope for a positive outcome.

They advised Wednesday would be best and so with that in mind I needed to get on a plane tonight. I got the ball rolling, made some calls and bookings and within 5 hours of collection day confirmation I was on a plane to the UK having already taken the trigger shot before I flew (a shot that needs to be taken exactly 36 hours prior to collection).

“Egg Collection” Prayers

I think I asked everyone who knew about my egg freezing journey to say a prayer for me for this collection.  I can’t tell you how much I wanted this to be my last round and I didn’t let myself think about it that way but there was a little part of me that could picture myself celebrating the end but there was also a small part of me that knew deep down this was not going to be a successful trip.

9:30am Wednesday 14 February (Valentine’s Day) was when collection took place.  I came around quickly to be told that they collected one egg.  The nurses all knowing that I only needed one more started to smile and be happy for me.  Me on the other hand knowing I was not out of the woods yet said ‘I can’t be happy until I know that it is mature’.  Secretly I knew if they had collected one that I would be exceptionally unlucky if it wasn’t mature, but then it had been collected earlier than my UAE doctor had recommended so you never know.

The Waiting Game

I waited for a mere 20 minutes and the lovely Embryologist came in to inform me that the egg was in fact NOT mature and thus couldn’t be frozen.  I almost thought to start with she was joking when she told me the news but a few seconds after she said ‘I’m so sorry….’ i realised that this wasn’t a time to joke and she wasn’t joking.  It was bad news.  There was no egg that could be frozen.

Without any ability to stop them, tears started to roll down my face, a lump appeared in my throat and I felt heart broken.  I thought Valentine’s day was ‘heart’ day, not broken heart day, but mine was broken, well and truly shattered today. I was SO close, but am now I am SO far.

I knew I would be ok but I needed a bit of time to regroup and decide if I was going to try and do another round or not.  I think my friends and family think I should stop at 19 but I don’t know.  I don’t need to decide today, today I just need to let myself grieve for what could have been.

Round 22

I haven’t been very active with my blog writing  lately…. partly because life has been busy and partly because I haven’t wanted to tempt fate and write about what I’m hoping and praying for. With 18 eggs securely frozen I just need another two to get to my 20 that I have dreamed about for so long.

As I sit in Starbucks in the UK the night before egg collection on this latest round I wonder if this will be it. I started stimulation on 31 December so this round has had a lot of slow low dosage stimulation, a change from all the other rounds. I have two follicles showing on the scan. One a good size and the other one on the smallish size but I’m hoping that someone is looking down on me and wanting me to reach my magic number of 20 as much as I do.  Tomorrow I will know.

My family are all out of the country at the moment, so I have a good friend coming to take me to the clinic and collect me tomorrow.  She has been such a rock to me this past year, she was the one who kept me positive when I wanted to give up and has given up her weekend to be here for me.

Friendships like that are hard to find and I don’t think she quite knows just how much I appreciate her love and support. It’s people like this that have made the difference on this journey and I will be forever grateful for the support and encouragement she has shown me.  I will most certainly pay this kindness forward.

So until tomorrow it is fingers and toes crossed as I have one last sleep before collection.

For those of you that have followed my story you will know that last Christmas I had a pretty devastating experience with one of my rounds and it certainly wasn’t “eggnog” I was having for Christmas that year.

I am one year on and haven’t had much success in collecting any eggs in a while, infact I was starting to think that it was time to give up and just be greatful for the eggs I have managed to freeze (15). I do now, however, have the benefit of a new clinic so I was hopeful that I might beable to get one or two more.

Having signed up for a three round package with this new clinic and telling myself it is three more no matter what the outcome. Three more tries to reach 20 then enough. Enough because it has taken such a toll on my body and immune system, enough because my bank balance has really taken a hit and enough because I am likely leaving the UAE mid next year and so it’s time for a new chapter in my life, a chapter beyond injections and last minute flights to the UK.

I had my collection scheduled in the UK with my new clinic on Wednesday 13 December. There were 2 follicles showing when I flew to the UK so I was hopefull I would be able to collect one, maybe two eggs, but I was also realistic about the fact that I may ovulate early or that there maybe no eggs which has happened in previous rounds. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

The day before collection I had a scan with a lovely doctor at my new UK clinic and she told me there were infact three follicles and whilst one was very small she was hopeful of at lest two eggs.

Well…. when they collected three eggs the next morning I almost fell off my hospital bed. I then had to wait an hour for them to tell me if they were mature and could be frozen. That hour felt like days of waiting and I honestly didn’t expect them to tell me that all three were mature and could be frozen.

When hearing this news my eyes filled with tears and I couldn’t help but cry with joy. I don’t think this clinic quite knew what this meant to me but my sister who picked me up sure did. We both sat in the car and cried, I actually don’t remember the last time I felt that elated. Despite being still pretty drugged up and having stomach cramps it finally felt like it was worth while and I was so close to the end of the first chapter of my “trying to preserve my fertility” journey. A journey that just 18 months ago I had been told there was no point in even trying.

So I go into 2018 with 18 eggs frozen and two more rounds left to go. I want to do both rounds as I have paid for them and if I reach 20 (my goal) then anything beyond that is a bonus.

Its eggnog all round this Christmas and I go into 2018 feeling very positive that good things are around the corner for me.

Round 19

I have come to learn that the sadness one experiences from a failed round of egg freezing  is thankfully for me short lived. It’s complete devastation initially when I hear the bad news and think about what I have just put my body through for the past 14-16 days for a fruitless outcome, then I move onto the hundreds of thousands of pounds that have literally been flushed down the toilet with nothing to show for them….then for me I have a good cry, mourn what might have been, feel sorry for myself at least for the remainder of the day while the anesthetic wears off and I feel drowsy and then…. I pull myself together, regroup, get strong again physically and mentally and make a plan for what’s next.

This is what I’ve done for the past 18 months and it’s served me pretty well. Resilience is something I’ve grown to admire about myself. I’ve always had it instilled in me from a child and it’s definitely grown within me over the past 18 months. I find it best to try and not dwell on what could or should have been and focus on what’s next.

This approach until now has been….. not easy, that would be a lie, but it’s been doable, I think in part to my loving network of friends and family and because I haven’t had many side effects post procedure, so it’s just get those horrid hormones out of my body as quickly as possible (hot yoga helps) and move on.

This time however thing have been different, very different, in a number of ways and it has made it so much harder to just pick myself up and soldier on.

Firstly there is the disappointment with the clinic. I feel that I didn’t receive the level of service, expertise and care that I had paid for and that mistakes were made which cost me emotionally and financially and it seems physically, which brings me to my second reason and that is the sheer physical pain I experienced about 4 hours after the procedure.

I now know that I didn’t initially feel this pain because I had been given painkillers Intravenously while I was under sedation, but 4 hours later when those pain meds had worn off I was experiencing a whole world of pain.

I was at home resting, talking to a friend when I had this sudden urge to throw up and had sever abdominal cramps. I ran to the bathroom where I sat for 10 minutes waiting to see if I would throw up or could even get up.

I managed to get myself to the sofa where I lay for 3 hours in the fetal position barely able to move, not knowing what was going on.

It was deep stomach pains around my belly button and the only way to deal with the pain was to buckle over. I had not experienced anything like this before post egg collection or ever. It felt like my stomach was filled with stomach acid and it was most definitely swollen. I’d had bloating post procedure before but nothing like this. I immediately went freezing cold and had a stinking headache, not knowing if I was going to beable to fly home later that night. What was different this time? What had happened? Was this because the Pregnl (trigger shot)hadn’t been in my system long enough, so they had to try harder to get the eggs? Was this OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome)?

Of course googling is the worst thing you can do but I needed to find out what was going on. Maybe my body was just telling me to stop. I’ve felt so strong lately, maybe this was the universe’s way of making me quit?

i decided to go to the airport and try and make my flight, the airline had told me that I couldn’t change it or cancel it so it was fly or loose the flight.

I thought if I can just get back to the uae. Sleep on the plane then hopefully I would feel better when I woke. I hadn’t slept much in the last few nights so I knew my body was tired and I do know pumping your body full or hormones doesn’t help the immune system at all.

I arrived in the uae at 8am having slept from take off to landing. I woke to find the pains were still there and maybe even more intense. I had been due to go straight to work and I know my doctor wouldn’t be at work yet so I went to work for an hour before heading to see my UAE doctor (Dr Greg) at 9.30am.

Dr Greg had been away for 6 weeks on holiday so hadn’t know what had been going on with me…. god I was glad to see him  he has been my saving grace through this whole process and been the one consistent

i told him what had happened and about the pain I was in and immediately he examined me and scanned me  He was appalled at what happened and suggested I tell the U.K. Clinic that they shouldn’t charge me for that last round as a) they should have definitely triggered me earlier and b) the trigger shot needs 36 hour not 16!

upon examining me he announced that the good news was that there was currently no fluid in my ovaries which was a good sign, if that happens it’s bad news  he did at however that my stomach was exceptionally swollen and it was important I start on antibiotics asap along with some pain medication  His guess was that the needle had pieces my bladder or stomach which is why I was experiencing so much pain he did think that within 24-48 hours I would be feeling so much better and advised me if I didn’t or started feeling nauseous or getting a fever to come back immediately

i had also emailed the U.K. Clinic asking them if they had done anything differently this time because I was experiencing all this pain  they mentioned that they did have to push quite hard on my stomach to get to the follicles so maybe that had caused the pain

it is now two days on and I do feel much much better, still not back to normal and my stomach is still painful but lower down in my abdominal now plus because my immune system is shot I’m starting to get a cold, throat, nose and glands are all telling me to give my body a break

The pain and discomfort I have experienced over the past few days has shifted my focus from sadness as to the outcome of this past round and more on figuring out how I can shake this and get back to feeling sting and in control of my health again

I’m actually flying to the USA this evening for a holiday  whilst flying is probably the last thing I need to be doing right now I am excited to get some much needed R&R so I can finish this break feeling strong and like “I’ve got this whole” body packing in on me thing. Fingers crossed I’ll be back to top shape in no time. It has been a very strange and rather stressful round that I hope not to repeat ever.