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The Facts….

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Note: I didn’t have blood tests done at every scan and when I did have blood tests done I didn’t have everything tested. The scan results usually determined when and what I needed to have blood tests for.

RESULT – No eggs collected as had already ovulated

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The Emotions….

I had never been glad to get my period, but in June I was more than ready!  It had been several weeks since my shocking AMH and FSH test results and I was ready to get whatever eggs I had frozen!

I wasn’t sure how many rounds I would need but I knew it would probably be more than one and more likely up to three so I had gone ahead and purchased a three cycle package.

I was optimistic and nervous as I had my initial scan with Dr. Greg on day 3 of my period.  Looking back now I really didn’t know what to expect, what questions to ask or how I was going to feel during the stimulation phase.  All I knew was that I was in the best physical condition of my life so if egg freezing was going to work for anyone with a low ovarian reserve then it would work for me.

After my scan Dr. Greg told me things looked ok to start and he prescribed  me the stimulation medication.  He prescribed me a very high dosage to test my body’s reaction to the medication, apparently this is quite normal on your first round.  The nurse showed me how to inject the drugs into my stomach about an inch or two from my belly button and recommended that I alternate from the left to the right of my belly button each night so one side didn’t get sore and bruised from all the injections.

The cost of the stimulation medication shocked me.  At this high dosage each day (450 IU of Gonal F) I was looking at about 615 AED (approximately £135 at the time) per day and that was without the cost of any of the other medications,  doctors appointment, scans or regular blood tests.

Dr. Greg gave me enough medication for six days and told me to email Dr. Collection and tell him what the proposed stimulation protocol was for me. (stimulation protocol = what amount of drugs were prescribed).

I heard back from Dr. Collection a few hours after I emailed him and he was happy with the protocol and so I began the injections with the plan to go back and see Dr. Greg after six days to see if things were working.

The initial hormone I was injecting was called ‘Gonal F’.  It came in a ‘pen’ format and was relatively easy to use.  I used YouTube to help me the first few times.  There are so many videos of people showing you how to administer IVF injections, so they won’t be hard to find or follow.  Some are much better than others, so find one that is easy to follow and NO, sorry, I draw the line at showing you one of me!

Following the doctors directions of one 450 IU of Gonal F each evening at 9pm was pretty straight forward and a lot less painful than I had thought.  What was  not quite as straight forward were the side effects of the hormones!

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Side Effects

Forgetfulness, broken sleep, night sweats, panic attacks and tears were just some of the not so lovely side effects I experienced during round 1.

Forgetfulness – I’m a really organized person in my personal and professional life, I pride myself on being sharp and on the ball, so when I started forgetting things all the time and then remembering that I had forgotten things, but not for the life of me remembering what exactly I had forgotten, it is what I imagine the onset of alzheimer or dementia is like and I can tell you it is very scary.   You know when you have a really really bad headache and when you are in that moment you can’t imagine what the feeling of NOT having the headache is like?  Well this is the same because in that moment of remembering you have forgotten something again and again you can’t imagine what it is like to be fully functioning again.  Thankfully once you stop taking the hormones these things do go away but in that ‘raging hormone’ moment you definitely think you are going slightly mad.

Broken Sleep – I have never had a problem sleeping, I am one of those people who falls asleep on a plane before it takes off!  I sleep anywhere and everywhere!  So when I started not being able to sleep at night and waking up every few hours particularly at 3am and then not being able to get back to sleep I knew this had to be the hormones.

Night Sweats – I wasn’t sure these were really a ‘thing’ until hormone injections hit me! I would frequently wake up in the middle of the night with a bed that was soaking and because of the AC was often lying there freezing cold and wet!  Night sweats are not something fun that’s for sure!  You don’t appreciate how lucky you are to sleep well until you have your sleep messed with by something like hormones!  There was a lot of sheet changing going on during these few weeks!

Panic Attacks – The other side effect, and for me worst from the hormones was the panic attacks!  Thankfully I didn’t have many and I didn’t have them often but they were intense.  I had never had a panic attach before and when I had my first one I felt like I literally couldn’t breath.  I remember driving back from a doctors appointment one day early on during the stimulation phase.  My mind was flooded with thoughts and anxiety.  Stupid little things that normally wouldn’t stress me out at all.  I remember my eyes welling up, my breath was getting very short and my chest getting really right.   Tears rolled down my face as I tried to breath deeper but I just couldn’t, the breaths were getting shallower and for a moment I actually thought I was going to stop taking in air altogether.  It was all just too overwhelming and too much.  Thankfully I was able to pull the car over and focus on breathing through the emotions I was feeling (thank god I was a trained yoga teacher at a time like that!).  Eventually the anxiety passed and breathing got easier. The tears lasted a little longer and I remember feeling totally drained.

I never told anyone about these panic attacks I had during round 1, I think because I didn’t want the doctors to tell me they needed to stop treatment or my friends or family to worry about me.  I also didn’t want to show anyone that I was struggling with this whole process.  I was tough, tougher than most of the people I knew, I didn’t rely on people, they relied on me.  I could handle this, I had to handle it.

These panic attacks made me feel like I was loosing control of my life and my emotions. For someone like me who is a little bit of a control freak it was a terrifying experience.  I had to just ride the wave, hold it together as best I could and hope I would come out the other side in one piece better and stronger.  I also started to realize that I probably couldn’t do this on my own.  I was going to have to rely on friends and family and that was ok.

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When I introduced Cetrotide into my daily injections things became a little more complex as you have to mix the solution with the powder.  It feels a little like a science experiment!  To start with this whole ‘mixing protocol’ took ages and I’d be there needle in one hand and giant page of instructions in another.  It did get easier thou, now it is second nature.

When Dr. Greg told me my eggs were close to collection size (18-20mm) and therefore ready for egg collection I booked a flight for that evening, called in sick at work, packed a bag.  Took my evening Gonal F injection along with including the trigger shot (the shot that the doctor prescribes you to take exactly 36 hours prior to egg collection) and flew to the UK.

Obviously last minute flights aren’t cheap but it really is the only way, because you just don’t know when you are going to need to go.  Since Round 1 I have learnt the best option is to book with airmails as I can change the flight dates once without a cost penalty.

My mum and dad picked me up from Heathrow airport and took me home for the day.  I am lucky to have great parents and a great sister who live in and around where the clinic I had chosen is located and both have played a major role in supporting me when I get to the UK on each round.

My mum took me to the UK clinic on Thursday 9 July (Egg Collection day). I had to have several blood test and fill out an enormous amount of paperwork as this was my first time to the clinic.  Then it was egg collection time!

No food past midnight the night before, removal of nail polish and a good nights sleep were some of the preparation that was required.  I was nervous for egg collection,  I didn’t really know what was involved or what to expect.

I put the lovely patient gown on including hair net and booties, removed all my jewelry and waited for my cannula to be put in and wheeled into the procedure room.  The whole process didn’t take too long about 40 minutes and I was lying in the room surrounded by the anesthesiologist, embryologist, doctor and two nurses.  I was asked to take deep breaths as they injected the anesthetic into my arm and my world started to go fuzzy.  One of the few moments I remember enjoying during the egg freezing process is the moment when you are still conscious but the drugs are starting to kick in.  The world seems such a simple and happy place at that tiny moment!

The next things I remember was waking up in the recovery room, I am told about 15 minutes after the procedure.  My heart rate is being monitored and I am on a drip feeling very drowsy.  After 40 minutes of resting the cannula is removed and the nurse told me that I could get dressed and that the doctor wanted to see me.  I know now that ‘the doctor wants to see you’ is NOT a good thing but at this time I had no idea of this, I assumed he was going to tell me how many eggs they collected.

An hour after the procedure I was sitting in front of Dr. Collection being told that unfortunately the procedure was unsuccessful and that there were no follicles and thus no eggs because I had already ovulated by the time they did the procedure!

Tears started to role down my cheeks, I tried to hide them but it was  no use. It was like an automatic reaction that I couldn’t stop as the doctor reached for the tissue box.  He must be used to this I thought.  I was in so much disbelieve that I gone through 14 days of injecting myself, had scans, blood tests and then been put ‘out’ all for nothing, not to mention the costs of the whole thing.  How could this happen.  Had the doctors not been monitoring me close enough? Was this comment? It hadn’t been something I had even thought could happen so when it did I was in shock.  Would it happen again if i did the process again?

To this day I don’t really know what happened or how it happened.  Dr. Collection seemed to think it happened because of my age but since it hasn’t happened again since this round I believe it could have been prevented by monitoring my blood work more closely, additional cetrotide and a scan the morning of egg collection.

The disappointment of what happened lasted less time than I thought it would.  I think because I believed what had happened could have been prevented and it wasn’t that there were ‘no eggs’, we just didn’t know because of the premature ovulation, so there was still hope. I wanted to start the process again next month and this time I wanted both my doctors to work much more closely together and monitor me more regularly to prevent this happening again in the future.  I believed that yes I may have ovulated early due to my age but that if both doctors were monitoring me closely this could be prevented next time around, so with that I bounced back quickly and started to prepare myself for my next round with a positive outlook, I now knew what to expect so I was in a much better place to start round 2.